Bouncers Hired to Prevent Trouble at KFC

KFC Camden has become the first fast-food restaurant in Britain to be forced to employ bouncers in an effort to prevent trouble at the crime-ridden location. In recent times, patrons of the North London eatery have been slashed with a knife, smashed with a bottle and kicked in the head, while reports have suggested that the premise often "smelt of cannabis".

Aside from the fact you'd need to be clucking mad to venture here after dark, I am curious as to what new rules have been put in place with the introduction of this new security. If my knowledge of bouncers is anything to go by, I can only assume that there is some kind of dress code to be followed and that you must be able to walk in a straight line to get in. Of course in this case, I fully support these requirements - as we all know, if you're not visiting KFC dressed as a Kentucky gent in a fine white suit, with a fresh palette to sample the Colonel's delicious chicken, then you shouldn't be there anyway.

Read more here.

Lancaster: The Review

Lancaster KFC has for many years been an extremely sad experience. Sure, the Colonel did a fantastic job renovating the place with bright colours, Kandinsky prints and even a large kiddie's banquet table. Sadly, that was probably in around 1980. Up until last year, grease dripped from the ceiling (literally), tables were left strewn with rubbish and the kiddie's table? Well let's just say, the Colonel's secret blend of 11 herbs and spices has an incredible ability to make its way between a glass surface and the printed table veneer underneath it. This was not a place you'd want to spend a lazy afternoon in. Proceedings used to go something like this:

• Enter
• Queue for a ridiculously long time
• Order
• Wait
• Wait some more
• Receive order from a server who looked as though he'd grown up in an Oliver Twist era poor house
• Eat lukewarm chicken purely because you knew you'd be letting Harland down if you didn't
• Feel dirty

So it comes as an extremely pleasant surprise that Lancaster KFC has finally been refurbished. Imagine the looks of joy on our faces when our Northern correspondent first informed us. "What would they alter?" we wondered. "Will we ever be able to enjoy our lukewarm chicken on the kiddie table again?". Our answers were forthcoming upon the reopening in February: "It's exactly the same" our misinformed correspondent told us. Saddened by this news, it was with a heart full of sorrow and a head full of low expectations that we made our way back to KFC.

Lancaster KFC sits at the very peak of what we can refer to as the town centre, thus rendering it visible from a great distance and causing it to act as an extremely gratifying welcome to the town itself. Even from this great distance, we could tell our correspondent was severely misinformed. The signage has been updated with the new branding, the interior completely renovated. Even the kiddie's table has gone (attempts to locate it in skips out the back were unsuccessful). But the best addition? Lancaster KFC now contains two large leather sofas to kick back and enjoy that chicken on. Surely a first for the chain. The Zinger Tower was excellent. Excellent to the degree that long term KFC veteran and contributor to this blog, Dave, said it was the greatest he had ever tasted. This is how fried chicken should be my friends.

8/10

(Northern correspondent is now fired)

Toasted twister home recreation: attempt 1

Sometimes, as Albad rightly pointed out, a trip to KFC, no matter how tempting, is simply impossible. You might be in an area with no KFC's within the minimum 20 mile radius, you might be unable to leave the house, or, like me; you were curious- you wanted to walk the zen path of KFC and recreate the colonels early experimental years yourself, attempting to make delicious chicken dishes nearly as good as could be served to you in any upstanding kfcookery in the kfcountry.

Ingredients for attempt 1 (again, all available at Sainsburys for the sake of tradition (not every ingredient is necessary for variants))

Southern fried chicken breast fillets
Sainsburys hot salsa
Bacon
Ranch dressing
Salad
Cheese -here I'm using red Leicester
Mayo, pepper (for KFC's signature pepper mayo, see right)
tortilla wraps.

I had more than enough ingredients pictured here to make multiple toasted twister variants - namely the original, salsa and the new melted BLT. Obviously ingrediants will vary based on your choice of what to construct.

Construction


This was a more experimental affair than previous documentation
on this site of reKFCreations, so subsequent attempts should prove neater and more reasonably portioned than this. I'll initially describe how to prepare the new melted BLT variant.

Begin by starting to cook the chicken, which should take around 20 minutes. Around the last 5 minutes of cooking, you should be putting on the bacon to cook - ensure that it's crispy and firm by the time you want to place it in your wrap. I advise grilling, especially as you'll need to gently toast your wrap later.

While you're waiting for all your ingredients to cook, it might be a good idea to start preparing the wrap. Wash your salad and chop your cheese (or remove it from it's packaging) as well as laying out your tortilla wrap.

When the chicken is cooked, remove it and slice it thinly enough to fit in your wrap. Add a little salad on top, the bacon slices, a little
salsa to recreate the original dishes tomato, and finally a drizzle of ranch dressing for authenticity. Now close up the wrap and toast it gently (overtoast it and it will become brittle as an osteogenesis imperfecta patients bones... have I been watching too much House again?). And... voila! it should be finished.

The verdict 6.5/10 + 7.5/10


While obviously the same complaints as always apply - chiefly the chicken not being up to the colonels high standards, the overall effect, taste and presentation-wise was extremely similar to the real wraps. The original toasted twister salsa recipe had a slight edge over it's rival however (just remove the cheese and bacon and add the pepper mayo seen above), but this may have been due to the fact that both the portion size and cooking times were slightly adjusted for the latter wrap, whereas the melted BLT was a giant even by stomach standards - the thing took two hands to lift, two tortilla wraps to hold it and literally two people to eat it. Hold back on the portions used KFC fans - you'll end up with a better wrap out of it. Subsequent attempts might show the melted blt to be the superior wrap with the greater experience gleaned from this experimental feastery.


This weekend, while in the process of seeking out the vast amounts of food necessary to support my titantic, KFC-and-lager wrought body, I'll be providing both a review of one of Brighton's 2 KFC branches as well as an overview of the real melted BLT toasted twister at the same time. See you then!

'The Stomach' Takes On Boneless Box Meal

After Dave's incisive thoughts on the Boneless Box Meal challenge, Obad 'The Stomach' Sanders and chums decided to bravely (some say foolishly) take on the beast that is the deluxe 12pc meal. Below, he recounts the events that took place in what proved to be a monumental occasion.

"Obad here. After a long nights drinking the other night, the only sane recourse the next, hungover morning was seeking refuge in the warm glow of the colonels welcoming bosom. Being present with a group of friends, the subject of the Boneless box inevitably came up, and like fools, we gamely split the larger, 15:99 box between three hungover adults.

What fools we were. Almost immediately upon starting the meal, and despite the excellent quality of the plethora of food and drink available to us, each of us started to flag, slowly munching our way through the mire of the colonels finest foodstuffs.

Eventually, only I battled on, and finally reached the end of the last crispy, soft boneless piece of delectable chicken. My compatriots nodded their heads sagely at my glorious achievement, for every time you waste an item of KFC, the colonel cries a single tear.

But wait! A lone tub of beans remained, untouched! What devilry was this? Each of us was thoroughly ill, one man was near comatose, the other near paralytic, and I thought I heard the soft voice of the colonel in my ear, calling me towards the bright light that I saw before me to reign forever by his side in the great franchised food chain in the sky.

But did I surrender? No! Someone had to be man enough to eat those beans, and I, "the stomach" had to be that man! I flipped open the plastic cap, and in one mighty motion slammed a plastic straw, into the beans and drained the crimson fluids within, then jammed my mighty spork of justice into them, spooning them heroically towards my mouth, before finally putting the upturned pot upside down upon my head, a rightful crown for my righteous acts. The meal was completed!

...But never to be repeated. Meals such as those were too much for any three men. (four might be alright and you could stretch it to five easily)."

Look out for future posts from Obad, soon to be fully fledged KFBlogger.

KFC London: Oxford Street (The Plaza)

A popular restaurant in one of London's busiest shopping areas, the Oxford Street KFC located in The Plaza's food court is frequented daily by 1000s* of shoppers, city workers and tourists. Many a hung-over Saturday shopping trip has begun in ernest at this branch, so it's about time we conducted a full review - myself and fellow KFBlogger Albad head down to check it out. (*estimated amount)

Paulbot
My Order: Fillet Tower meal, large
My Opinions: Service was very swift, which was pleasing to see and is typically the case at these high profile locations. My burger was well constructed and warm to the touch, while both mayo and ketchup had been added in the appropriate quantities. The chicken seemed to be slightly dry but still perfectly edible and forgiveable considering the generous amount of chips I was given. Overall, a pleasing experience on this occassion, but on previous visits I have found the quality to be quite variable - this may come down to the staff that are on duty and time of day.
Score: 7/10

Albad
My Order: Zinger Tower meal, large
My Opinions: Like Paulbot I have had a variable past with this particular branch. I remember one fateful afternoon trip during which I was served a Zinger Tower with chicken so overcooked and hard it would be better described as some kind of meat–flavoured biscuit rather than the succulent chicken fillet piece we are used to. However, on this occasion all was well in the world of Oxford St KFC. The chicken juicy, the salsa spicy and the bun fluffy. Incredibly, the chicken technician on duty out back in the kitchen even avoided the all too common over-enthusiastic mayo application. The main problem with the meal was merely the size: being in an incredibly hungover state as I was, it was necessary to replenish my body with vast quantities of liquid. As such, a large Pepsi Max was the only option. Sadly, the accompanying large fries got the better of me once again.
Score: 7/10