A month sans Colonel

"You won't be able to eat spicy foods. Or anything fatty. Or drink any alcohol. For at least a month"

Such were the instructions emanating from the doctor's mouth in response to a dastardly stomach complaint I'd been suffering from. At first it didn't really hit me - I'd already gone a month without alcohol earlier in the year so I'd at least had a dry run (pun intended). And of course it would mean avoiding most Indian and Thai food which I love. But there was a niggling feeling that I was overlooking something...Oh God.

No KFC for a month.

Having overcome the initial week of constant sobbing I surmised that the only way to get through the pain would be to document my month sans Colonel. This, my readers, is the result:

Day -1: The last supper. I decided the only thing for it was to have one final KFC ahead of my course of medication. Naturally, I opted for a Zinger Tower meal. It remains the most bittersweet chicken I have ever tasted; the knowledge of the impending depression hanging over me like a grey cloud. I took a photo for posterity:

Day 7: The cravings were beginning to preoccupy my every waking moment. Performance at work was degrading. The relationship with my girlfriend suffering. The uncontrollable shakes. Well ok it wasn't that bad yet but the worst was still to come.

Day 10: A third of the way there and i'd taken to browsing fast food menus on websites in order to stave off the cravings. Having exhausted the Colonel's own offerings I moved on to sister company Taco Bell UK's site. If only they'd open more UK branches - I could actually eat their low fat 'Fresco' options during this month of pain.


Day 17: Over half way and still no end in sight. Two so called 'friends' i'm out with both order Zinger Towers, one even having the audacity to include a sweet chilli hot rod. Strong as ever though, I resisted. Well, I almost resisted. The lure of the gravy was too strong and I just had to dunk one of my low-fat Snack-a-Jacks in it. The result: an unpleasant mixture of salt & vinegar rice snack and otherwise delicious three step.


Day 25: Everywhere I turn, the Godfather box meal is staring me straight in the face. Telephone booths, tube posters, TV - it's everywhere! The mere thought of a hot rod is enough to make me salivate. Why must you torture me so, oh Colonel?


Day 30: I can no longer feel feelings. Devoid of emotion, I stumble past the Colonel's smiling face at my local branch. It barely registers. What have I become?! Disgusted with myself I vow to order a Boneless Banquet For One the very next day, then trudge home, the salty tears rolling into my mouth reminding me of freshly coated chicken.


Back on the wagon: As promised, I march into the local branch and order a Boneless Banquet For One with gravy and a Diet Pepsi. "What sorcery is this?" I wonder as I take my first bite, so magical are the flavours. Finally, I am reborn.

The KFC Brazer.....AKA the KC Brazer

In a move that will set hearts pumping but have a negligible effect on cholesterol levels, it is our duty to inform you of what may be one of the most epoch defining changes to KFC's menus since we don't know when.

KFB first tried a relative of the Brazer whilst in Paris doing an expose on Gallic chicken some 2 years ago. You can relive that encounter here. The Brazer then made the transition from the continent to the North East of England where it has been trialled in 17 stores, so Geordies may well be familiar with the product. A KFB sympathizer was able to smuggle an as then unnamed Brazer out of the region back in 2009 and KFB reheated it in our Midlands test kitchen. You can read about that encounter and watch the video here. Finally, most recently KFB visited Inverness to sample its latest Scottish trial before its nationwide roll-out, today, April 25th......a day that will live on in our minds forever as the day that the F was lost from KFC.

Aimed squarely at the health concious lunch time consumer this is not such a bold move, as it's been tried and tested on the continent, and undergone years of trials in the UK too. This will certainly be an addition to KFC's increasing repetoire to attract a new type of customer.

Tonight I visited Congleton branch, renowned by KFB's North West office as serving the best KFC this side of Colchester. I could immediately see the Brazer was big news, a five foot cardboard cutout was by the counter. The product boasted two menu boards, with new packaging and an alliterative strap-line inviting me to:

'Be Seduced by the Sizzle'

before the box showed me a picture of its contents and informed me that this product is

'marinated, seasoned then sizzled to perfection.'

The Brazer comes in 3 incarnations:

• Burger
• Twister
• Salad
  

KFB opted for the burger which consists of (from the bottom up):

Ciabatta bun

Black Pepper Mayo
Marinated, Seasoned Griddled Chicken Breast
Cheese

Fresh Sliced Tomato

Lettuce
An Additional Layer of Black Pepper Mayo
Bun Top

I had a quick look at the burger before tasting, and it was well constructed except for tomato slices. The Chicken really looked perfectly cooked, lightly browned in all the right places but not burnt and had dark lines characteristic of the griddling process with small flecks of herb across the surface of the breast. The breast itself didn't look massive but it wasn't hidden under a layer of coating so this may have been the reason.

It was with much trepidation that I thought about starting, was I betraying the Colonel's life's work? For years he strove to create the perfect recipe, travelled the entire US selling the product for mere cents to realise his dream and give something special to the world, and here today we're taking away everything that makes KFC, KFC. I took my first bite........bread, all bread. We know that as a beautiful hunk of unprocessed meat the product that KFC pedals can't be shaped as a beef patty can to fit onto a perfectly round bun so why not try baking different buns, or at least rounding the corners? This is like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole! It took me a couple of mouthfuls of bread to get to the good stuff, but yes, it was good stuff. It's always difficult for KFB to get past anything that is not a Zinger Tower, but I'll try. The Chicken was moist and tender, with fresh crisp lettuce and lashings of Black Pepper Mayo (a superior product and sadly underutilised at KFC). Where I was let down was the Tomato slices. The picture clearly shows 2, I had a measly end piece and from past experience with the Big Daddy I can say that the Tomato makes a real difference.

This is a tasty burger, but it's a delicate taste rather than a full on punch of flavour delivered by Original Recipe or Zing. Accompanied by hot chips and a fine three step gravy this can be a satisfying summer meal. What would the Colonel say......well, if he though that just one of the people who try the Brazer will go on to enjoy his delicious secret recipe, then it's probably all worth it. KFB really hopes that this becomes a stepping stone, a spring board or a gateway burger leading on those who've never enjoyed the recipe to temptation for the cornucopia of flavours that await.

Overall a pleasant experience 6/10

Really so good?

From This:

To this!

Over 50 years of history is being quietly erased. The colonel's famous 'Finger Lickin'' slogan deemed as being 'Too food centric' is being replaced with a rather more bland affair 'So Good'.

The last time KFB checked KFC was a restaurant, a place usually centred wholly around food. But no, the famous strapline has kicked the bucket and been sent to the fryer in the sky.

This phrase, organically borne out of utter reality in the 1950s when a viewer had complained after an advertisement featured someone in the background licking his fingers. Its star, a KFC manager called Ken Harbough, responded: "Well, it's finger lickin' good." has been quietly dropped. There has been no bugle call of The Last Post, flags have not been flown at half mast (apart from at KFB HQ) but a part of KFC has died and a little bit of KFB's heart has too (no, it's not a premature coronary).

Its sad demise can be read all about here.

New TLO: The Godfather Box Meal

Whilst KFC continues to conquer the rest of the world as Paulbot has explained, here in the UK it continues to innovate. This week saw the launch of the Godfather Box meal. Disappointingly KFC.co.uk haven't yet updated their site to reflect this and I don't have a poster picture.

The box meal follows the standard pattern, for £4.99 you get chips, drink, a side, a piece of chicken and KFC's newest creation . . . The Godfather Burger. What a name, something to rival the Daddy burger you think and with that strapline 'Deserves Respect' excitement continues to grow. You are given the box, a beautiful gloss black affair with simple wording and weighty contents and then you realise this is just a 'Spicy Italian Tower Burger'

Identical in every way to a standard tower (although, and clarification to follow on this there may be a different cheese used.) the tomato ketchup has merely been replaced by what looks like a thick cream of tomato soup with herbs. Still I always like something spicy and greedily tucked in. The sauce was smooth with a slight smoky taste with hints of Basil and most disappointingly only the merest hint of the spice promised in this burgers description (remember this in an OR fillet). It appeared that I certainly had a generous helping of sauce and so I really was expecting something a little hotter.

After a while the sauce became a little creamy and cloying not providing the perfect balance of palate cleansing fresh tomato found in the ZT's spicy salsa underbelly. The one saving grace of this was where I chose to sample it, so a special mention must go out to Congleton branch where I enjoyed it, which in over 20 visits this year has provided excellent quality fayre each and every time. Congleton tried as hard as they could, plenty of fresh lettuce an ample but overwhelming portion of Mayo, crispy hash brown, hot fresh fillet and a perfect soft bun, all of which couldn't quite salvage what could have been a great burger.

4 out of 10

KFC World Tour, Part 4: China

Yes, my good friends, China. The far east, the orient. A land of tradition, culture and over 4000 years of known history. One of the world's oldest civilisations...and to the typical western man (e.g. myself), a strange, alien place.

Arriving in Beijing, I found myself overwhelmed by very different cultural and lifestyle conventions. People everywhere, huge roads, bicycles, street sellers, flashing signs and strange sights and smells. However, one very important interest that Eastern and Western cultures share is in the fast food market. That's right, KFC is the most popular fast food chain in China. As this report goes on to explain:

In China, KFC has achieved such dominance over McDonald’s and local rivals that Colonel Harland Sanders’s image is a far more common sight in many Chinese cities than that of Mao.

As I found out for myself, this is indeed the case, and it was easy to spot the sheer number of KFC outlets by just wandering around the city. It was time to see what all the fuss was about.

For the real experience, I decided to head inland to the heart of China. The Western style shopping malls of Beijing were not a true test of Chinese KFC and so it was decided that an overnight train to Xi'an would be necessary. Arriving in Xi'an I quickly found the most popular branch near the long distance bus depot - a huge building, open 24/7 and seemingly always packed with locals tucking into delicious chicken.



Inside, I struggled to find a seat and had to share with some locals. The most popular meal of choice seemed to be the Colonel's staple fare, buckets of chicken wings, drumsticks and thighs - meat on the bone was clearly the local preference here. Overcoming the language barrier with some difficulty, I eventually managed to order a set meal, opting for what appeared to be a Zinger Meal with hot wings, coleslaw, and strange pie thing and a fruit juice drink. Strangely, none of the standard meals came with chips and it was only after some time studying the Chinese menu that they were spotted in the extras section.



The Zinger style burger and hot wings were exactly what I have come to expect, spicy and crispy with a secret recipe coating. The chicken, as I fully expected, was not up to the same juicy, plump standards of the UK, but it was good enough and provided ample sustenance. The strangest parts of the meal were the drink and small tartlet. Rather than the standard Pepsi we have come to expect, the drink was an almost tropical flavoured cordial style drink, quite refreshing and I'm sure much healthier than a carbonated alternative. The small tartlet looked to be savory on first inspection but actually turned out to be a sweet egg custard tart, a pastry commonly found in asian countries and in portuguese cuisine. Although the taste of the egg tart wasn't to my liking, it made me wonder why this kind of complete meal isn't offered in Western KFCs. I think a box meal that included some kind of small dessert or sweet pastry as a post-chicken treat could be a great idea.

It was now clear to me that the Colonel's secret recipe tastes the same anywhere in the world, even in exotic and strange locations, and the Colonel's staple fried chicken is loved the world over. The time had come to visit the opposite side of the globe, as far from the UK as I have ever been. Back into Westernised culture, but to see what innovations are being made almost 12000 Km from home. Next stop, New Zealand!