Pale imitations: The return of SFC

Not long ago, a terrible premonition skook me to the very thighbone of my drumstick soul. In my dreams every night, I ascended the stairs to the Colonels throne, to find him weeping, weeping whilst staring at the imposing bulk of Sainsburys HQ in london. Finally, maddened by the sight of the glorious Colonel troubled so - I summoned the courage to ask him what was wrong. His next five words would change my life forever.., "They shalt betray me, AGAIN!"

Horrified, and just barely able to avoid soiling myself in abject terror, I made my way to the nearest Sainsburys branch's frozen food section - to find that evil had once more taken root therein - TWICE.




Despite my fears, I resolved then and there, the world had to know what lurked in Sainsburys seedy icy understomach, and headed to the checkout and then back to KFBloggin HQ. During cooking, as I grew calmer once more, I reassured myself, surely this couldn't be as awful as I'd feared! the packaging presented a golden glow of extra-ordinarily delicious chicken products that the big C himself might even deign to try. But as I opened the oven door, and arranged the products in a rough semblance of how they were seen on the packaging, my worst nightmares began to come true.






This pale, flavourless chicken tasted a little like somone had roughly shaped a pile of gristle and flour into a mockery of The Colonels products, perhaps laughing snidely as they did so. They tasted like disapointment...

KFBloggin' fans, don't be tempted by this false prophet. The ease and temptation of having big C's finest produce in your own freezer will only hurt you in the long run. The extra time taken to get to your nearest KFC branch might take you a little while longer, but the memories of this blasphemy will stay with me a lifetime. And as for Sainsburys... shame. on. you.

KFBloggin's KFC HQ trip - Part 3

We left you previously with the appalling revelation that DG does in fact NOT EAT CHICKEN ON THE BONE. If you think you’re shocked, imagine what our good hosts for the day were thinking. I’m almost certain I saw a small gravy coloured tear emerge from the head of HR’s eye. But undeterred he was not. Within mere moments he had left the room in order to ensure Zinger Towers were on the menu for our test kitchen lunch. Time passed slowly while he was out of the room. Minutes dragged on like hours. Just as we were about to give up all hope, he returned.

"It’s ok guys, I’ve secured some Zinger Tower burgers for lunch"

Relieved, we all sat back in our chairs.

"There was one hitch though. We're out of buns"

Good lord! Surely the Colonel’s own test kitchen shouldn’t have run out of buns, what was to happen? A bunless burger? Perhaps we could use hash browns in place of the bread?

“But don’t worry, we’ve sent a very senior finance director down the road to pick some more up for you from the local branch”

This right here my readers is what it feels like to be chicken royalty. So, the meeting was up and we made our way to the test kitchen with a pool of drool trailing our every move.

"Welcome to the kitchen guys, I’m Chris Fells, Product Excellence Director"

And so it was that we met the man whose job it is to eat KFC multiple times a day (look out for a further post on this incredible individual soon). As soon as we entered the facility the smell hit us like a fried chicken punch to the face. How on earth the office workers sat just outside the doors managed to ever get any work done is beyond us. Lunch was awaiting us in a boardroom situated within the test kitchen itself, giving us a whole new appreciation for the notion of working lunches. As we sat down to we were informed that the room was lit with special lighting to ensure that the product could be inspected as if being eaten in a glorious summer’s cornfield. This was surely true dedication on HQ's part?

Before even a bite reached our quivering lips, a group of people entered the room. It was at this point that we were introduced to none other than the UK KFC managing director himself, Mr Martin Shuker, as well as Luis Perl, Senior Brand Manager and Jenelle Tilling, VP of Marketing. I myself had the distinguished honour of being seated next to Martin and striking up a fascinating conversation about the history of the Zinger Tower Burger (launched in 1998 dontchaknow), a product launch he personally oversaw. Martin also informed me that he visited at least 25 branches a week, a feat even Obad himself is yet to equal.

Yes, the chap in the shirt to the right of the photo really is the KFC UK MD.

Lunch was served. Piping hot OR chicken and fries were carried in on lavish serving plates by Nicola Fenn, Quality Assurance Technologist and the UK’s greatest KFC chef. Describing the food as delicious doesn’t even begin to do it justice and yet just as we were thinking this couldn’t get any better and DG was running out of skin to pick from the meat, the Zinger Towers arrived. We can safely say that these were the greatest ZTs we had ever tasted, even surpassing the famed Fleet Services branch’s offering.

DG had previously and never again will be this happy

Ladies and Gentlemen, we had truly arrived in chicken heaven.

Join us next time for a guided tour of the testing facilities.

KFBloggin's KFC HQ trip - Part 2

Ladies and gentlemen. . . . . welcome to the Zinger Zone, an opulently appointed meeting and conference room on the ground floor of HQ. The large table was replete with a fine selection of Yum brands' beverages, Pepsi & Drench water amongst others.

Taking a seat, the lights dimmed and two giant plasma screens silently began screening their spectacle, a modified KFC induction presentation. David our host guided us knowledgeably through the inner workings, giving us a low down on products (including some new ones, milkshake anyone?), strategy, global perspective and a veritable Who's Who of UK Fried Chicken before the grand tour.

The tour was a, but not the, highlight of the day and encompassed the training facilities all resplendent with their fine names, (The Colonel's Kabin, Popcorn Palace etc) where we saw students hard at work learning the virtues of serving quality fried chicken. We visited all the major departments with marketing being the most interesting and finance (sorry guys) the least. However we only touched upon the test kitchens (for they were to be showcased later.) before heading back to the Zinger Zone to chat chicken with some bigwigs.

"I don't know what you've done guys, but some people pretty high up in the company want to meet you."

said Daniel Hayward, head of HR. And so it came to pass that we easily whiled away an hour and a half recounting the tale of the blog and the beautiful story of those halcyon days the chicken spent countless hours wooing us at university, helping us through the bad times and sharing the good times with us. We reminisced over friends that have passed (Hot Rods & more recently the Blazin' Boxmaster) and recounted our penitences when on pilgrimages to Preston and Kentucky. We discussed likes and dislikes where I happened to mention my shame, for which some label me a pariah. . . . . that I do not eat chicken on the bone. A shocked room fell into silence as the implications of my revelation dawned. Lunch was scheduled at 1pm and the plan was for us to eat original recipe Chicken pieces.


Would Daniel be able to get some boneless chicken?
Would there be any buns?
Would they be able to cook it in time?

and would it be great (yes of course it would)

find out in the next exciting installment. . . . . coming soon only to KFB.

KFBloggin's KFC HQ Trip – Part 1

Recently, KFBloggin's team of hungry amateur journalists were offered the chance of a lifetime for any serious chicken fan – a trip to KFC UK HQ. This, is their story...

It was late at night in KFBloggin's London HQ, and the chill spring air had forced even the most die-hard KFC enthusiasts away from their forums and blogposts, and into the warmth of their beds. Suddenly, as the clocks turned past 2 am, an alarm ran out, waking us from our dreams of new KFC products and sending us staggering wearily to the door to see who could possibly be calling at this uncolonely hour. The door burst open, and in a flash of blinding light DG appeared, with news that would change our lives forever. “Get some sleep lads” he said, madness dancing in his wild eyes...

We're going to KFC HQ tomorrow!

After a few hours of restless sleep, and after DG had collapsed face down on a sofa for a while after his nightmare 6 hour journey, we awoke excitedly at 8am, and after rejecting the possibility of visiting a KFC AM for a morning pick-me-up for fear of regurgitating our delicious breakfast due to sheer joy and amazement, we quickly left our own HQ and headed to the nearest train station in order to directly proceed to another. After a final short team meeting and brainstorm on the train(storm) we arrived at our destination, the fabulous golden city of Woking. Though saddened that we did not have time to visit the towns KFC branch before our meeting, we headed directly to the imposing office-fronted edifice that houses the UK brains of the KFC operation.

Walking into the building's reception, we each felt that it appeared much as any other office, little knowing the strange and wonderful secrets that lurked within the veritable Chocolate factory of a place. Handing in our golden tickets giving our names to the receptionist, we each received official YUM! Passes for use in the building, and were left to our own devices, and the breathless anticipation of a short wait. We were soon greeted by our first team members of the day (and our first tour guides),

Daniel Hayward, UK Recruitment Manager (favourite KFC product: Hot Wings)

David Jones, HR Assistant (favourite KFC product:Blazin' Boxmaster)

Offering to show us around the ground floor, David lead us into the KFC offices, firstly through a canteen and relaxation area (where this Blogger could not help but notice that the plates , cutlery and wetwipes available were the same as those seen in your average KFC branch). A new Lavazza coffee machine was being fitted here – and we would hear more on that issue later. Past that, we winded our way down a corridor, and paused for a moment to remark upon the doors to the various meeting rooms and office spaces, each carrying the name of a KFC or YUM! group product, such as the delicious, “Zinger Zone.” All too soon, we had arrived at our destination, just in time for our first meeting. Soon, all the mysteries and questions that we had could, and would be solved by some of the biggest KFC experts in the country. Excitedly, we gripped the door handle, and turned it, opening the door to our first meeting of the day...
Join us again soon for part 2, where the mysteries and wonders of KFC will be laid bare...