Tuesday, 26 February 2008

'The Stomach' Takes On Boneless Box Meal

After Dave's incisive thoughts on the Boneless Box Meal challenge, Obad 'The Stomach' Sanders and chums decided to bravely (some say foolishly) take on the beast that is the deluxe 12pc meal. Below, he recounts the events that took place in what proved to be a monumental occasion.

"Obad here. After a long nights drinking the other night, the only sane recourse the next, hungover morning was seeking refuge in the warm glow of the colonels welcoming bosom. Being present with a group of friends, the subject of the Boneless box inevitably came up, and like fools, we gamely split the larger, 15:99 box between three hungover adults.

What fools we were. Almost immediately upon starting the meal, and despite the excellent quality of the plethora of food and drink available to us, each of us started to flag, slowly munching our way through the mire of the colonels finest foodstuffs.

Eventually, only I battled on, and finally reached the end of the last crispy, soft boneless piece of delectable chicken. My compatriots nodded their heads sagely at my glorious achievement, for every time you waste an item of KFC, the colonel cries a single tear.

But wait! A lone tub of beans remained, untouched! What devilry was this? Each of us was thoroughly ill, one man was near comatose, the other near paralytic, and I thought I heard the soft voice of the colonel in my ear, calling me towards the bright light that I saw before me to reign forever by his side in the great franchised food chain in the sky.

But did I surrender? No! Someone had to be man enough to eat those beans, and I, "the stomach" had to be that man! I flipped open the plastic cap, and in one mighty motion slammed a plastic straw, into the beans and drained the crimson fluids within, then jammed my mighty spork of justice into them, spooning them heroically towards my mouth, before finally putting the upturned pot upside down upon my head, a rightful crown for my righteous acts. The meal was completed!

...But never to be repeated. Meals such as those were too much for any three men. (four might be alright and you could stretch it to five easily)."

Look out for future posts from Obad, soon to be fully fledged KFBlogger.


Anonymous said...

you pussy im well unhappy with your last statement

we share between two and we come out with flying colours

Anonymous said...


I did the whole box...by myself.

Anonymous said...

That piece of writing more delicious than a freshly cooked crispy strip. The phrase 'every time you waste an item of KFC, the colonel cries a single tear' is destined to be oft repeated in this household :D