Friday, 22 May 2009

KFB Scoop

Date :Friday 21st of November 2008

Last year we reported that Google streetview in the USA was blurring the colonels image on KFC's branches.

This year on March 20th, over two whole months ago, we ran a similar story pointing out that the same was happening in the UK now the service was up and running here.

I was therefore flushed with pride yesterday when realising that, we had scooped the nationals by over two months, when the Daily Telegraph aped our story with this report.

Thursday, 21 May 2009

Colonel Quote of the Month

"That friggin' ... outfit .... They prostituted every goddamn thing I had. I had the greatest gravy in the world and those sons of bitches they dragged it out and extended it and wa­tered it down that I'm so goddamn mad."

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Pale imitations: The return of SFC

Not long ago, a terrible premonition skook me to the very thighbone of my drumstick soul. In my dreams every night, I ascended the stairs to the Colonels throne, to find him weeping, weeping whilst staring at the imposing bulk of Sainsburys HQ in london. Finally, maddened by the sight of the glorious Colonel troubled so - I summoned the courage to ask him what was wrong. His next five words would change my life forever.., "They shalt betray me, AGAIN!"

Horrified, and just barely able to avoid soiling myself in abject terror, I made my way to the nearest Sainsburys branch's frozen food section - to find that evil had once more taken root therein - TWICE.

Despite my fears, I resolved then and there, the world had to know what lurked in Sainsburys seedy icy understomach, and headed to the checkout and then back to KFBloggin HQ. During cooking, as I grew calmer once more, I reassured myself, surely this couldn't be as awful as I'd feared! the packaging presented a golden glow of extra-ordinarily delicious chicken products that the big C himself might even deign to try. But as I opened the oven door, and arranged the products in a rough semblance of how they were seen on the packaging, my worst nightmares began to come true.

This pale, flavourless chicken tasted a little like somone had roughly shaped a pile of gristle and flour into a mockery of The Colonels products, perhaps laughing snidely as they did so. They tasted like disapointment...

KFBloggin' fans, don't be tempted by this false prophet. The ease and temptation of having big C's finest produce in your own freezer will only hurt you in the long run. The extra time taken to get to your nearest KFC branch might take you a little while longer, but the memories of this blasphemy will stay with me a lifetime. And as for Sainsburys... shame. on. you.

Saturday, 16 May 2009

Kentucky Grilled Chicken News

From the pages of Entertainment Weekly comes this report. Although reporting the protagonist's actions with a shocked tone, readers of this blog will fully understand what drove them and I'm sure are wishing they had been there on this historic occasion.

Oprah's KFC free-for-all sparks civil rights era-style protest.

May 6, 2009,

The 6th of May saw a hungry mob of New Yorkers (the millennial generation's version of an angry mob) stage a '60s-style sit-in at a Manhattan KFC restaurant. Why? They were protesting the store manager's refusal to honour coupons for the fast food chain's new grilled chicken courtesy of the karma-grubbing cultural icon Oprah Winfrey. Funny and absurd, sure. But I can't help but see this kerfuffle as evidence of either the beginning of the end of all that's good in the world or the return of power-to-the-people engagement.

The obvious response is to look at the entitlement of those free-chicken seekers as crass and pathetic. I mean, how could any fast food really be worth generating a storm of righteous indignation? And what about that Scrooge-like, power-crazed KFC store manager, who allegedly refused to play along and serve up the finger lickin' goodness to which anyone with an Internet connection is entitled. These are tough times and cheap thrills are hard to come by, much less free ones. That's tough medicine.

But how is it that chicken inspires the kind of politicized grass-roots action that hardly anybody mustered in the face of nonstop indignities (stuff like White House-approved torture, corporate corruption, and the demise of newsprint)? Does this mean that we're still capable of getting mad as hell and not taking it anymore? Or does it mean that nobody can be bothered unless it involves a free lunch?

Monday, 11 May 2009

Hope for Chicken

January 20th 2009

A day made historic by the inauguration of the USA's first black president. The entire campaign was characterised by one piece of art work more than any other.

It adorned t-shirs, shops and whole homes and neighbourhoods were festooned with this particular poster. It was attributed to a man named Shepard Fairey, a Rhode Island political artist.

Immediately however I thought I'd seen this before and the colour scheme seemed oddly familiar although with maybe a little tweaking from the original. And so, I did a little digging into some of my old paperwork.

I came across some correspondances form earlier this century. They began at around the time the Vatican began cataloguing many of the priceless and potentially reputation damaging works of art locked away in its vaults. Some of what they found was truly astionishing, the details of which were never released. However an unnamed cardinal sympathetic to our cause was able to smuggle a copy of this picture to me. In the event of anything happening I was to reveal it to the world. He has recently gone missing. . . . .

Thought to be upto a thousand years old, this image has lain undisturbed for centuries and clearly foretold the coming of colonel who proved his holy provenence by giving us the miraculous secret recipe.

Friday, 1 May 2009

KFC Panini 2nd look: Italian Chicken

Stafford: Hough Retail park

Thursday 30th April 7pm

Having previously trialled the Spicy Chicken Panini in Stourbridge, today's outing was conceived with the sole aim of trying the other new Time Limited Offer (TLO) the Italian Chicken Panini.

Service was a little slow but definitely worth the wait. If it wasn't for this review it is doubtful I would have shunned Zing. This experience will make me think twice in future. I was rewarded with fresh, hot and exceedingly juicy Original Recipe (OR) Chicken on fresh, soft and moist panini bread, drenched with lashings of exceedingly tasty sun blush tomato sauce and creamy, delicious cheese.

Every ingredient danced upon my pallete, none were overpowering and none were lost. The new sun blush tomato sauce is a triumph. It is not just posh ketchup. This is bottled essence of Italy, rich, tasty, tangy and smooth.

As a product I would give this 7/10

But as an example of this product, the one I ate in Stafford must have been crafted by a team member at the very top of their game. He or She surpassed expectations. This was the Italian Chicken Panini against which others must be judged. . . . . 10/10