Friday, 9 January 2009

Rogues Gallery

It was Charles Caleb Colton, a 19th Century English cleric who first uttered the oft repeated words 'Imitation is the sincerest (form of) flattery'. If it is true of fast food restaurants then the most admired is, as we all know, our beloved KFC.

When appraising a typical grease soaked high street, there in fact appears to be a dearth of those imitating both McDonalds and Burger King in either menu or nomenclature. The Burger it appears is not a popular choice amongst drunks. . . .Fried Chicken, on the other hand, is a late night; runaway success. These KFC imitators have come like a plague onto British high streets and it is high time their mendacity was exposed. The imitation we see today is not flattery, oh no. It is the rampant , unchecked and dark heart of commercialism.

If tasty hamburgers were a late night staple, I may be tempted to conclude that perhaps McDonalds and Burger King are much more litigious and blocking such blatant mimicry through the courts. Whilst there are few who primarily sell the burger there are many, many, after dark purveyors of 'the bird'. Some have merely chosen a moniker including the word chicken, that in no way infringes upon the the good name and standing that KFC has within local communities up and down the land. Chicken Cottage, Chicken Delight and Chicken Corner are all good examples of an honestly competitive trading style whose proprietors are not trying to prosper on the back of others' hard work and dedication to flavour.

Below however I name and shame those who show blatant disregard and flagrantly infringe upon KFC's good name. The first two are even more bizarre engaging in larceny of two well known retailers' sobriquets to form a hideous and shameful portmanteau of a name........I introduce this repugnant pair:

Now, for the top 5 worst offenders:

In Joint 5th place, any establishment, using the name of any southern US State before the hallowed words, Fried Chicken. The two examples below are by no means an exhaustive list and I'm led to believe there are also Georgia, Alabama and Carolina versions.

Moving on now to what, due to a second tie is joint second place:

I simply could not separate these two in terms of wickedness, one engages in aural trickery, the other visual. It is not hard to imagine, I'm sure you'll agree, a sober person having his interest piqued to the point of arousal upon being told they were going for dinner at Kentucky Fried Chicken, only to find his unconscious mind had been tricked by the similarity of hearing 'Hentucky'.

The next, 'Golden Fried Chicken' has had a mediocre attempt when it comes to the name. But has instructed its shopfitters, to construct a near carbon copy of early Colonesque archithecture for its shop front. How one weeps for the late night revellers with blurred vision who wander in under a fallacy to be sorely dissapointed by the substandard and barren menu that greets them.

First place though has only one serious contender. The audacity shown here is immeasurable, but the flash of genius that went into the actual name is worthy of propelling its progenitor to the status of anti-hero. And so, I introduce, in first place:Please, remain vigilant, for the sake of your children and your children's children, for, if left unchecked the menace of the misnomer could grow into a behemoth, that threatens our very way of eating chicken.


ALbad said...

DG I smell a new feature: we could trial these wicked wicked establishments in order to provide a valid (and much needed) comparison to the Colonel's delights, thereby highlighting and exposing their failings for all to see.

Robert said...

Don't be an idiot. Why waste time eating that shit?