Thursday, 5 March 2009

Crime of the Century

Janet Street Porter the once respected broadcaster, journalist and commentator has caused worldwide controversy after recent remarks linked to KFC were seen by many as blasphemous against the Colonel and KFC. Protests have been widespread and a number of British embassies around the world have been stormed by angry mobs demanding harsh penalties.

Her comments came in an undisclosed Sunday Newspaper column (which never went to press) in which she was asked to run through her loves and hates. This respected journal refuses to transcribe her disgusting comments but has chosen instead to offer pictures of the original article which were smuggled from the Sunday Newspaper's offices before they were supposed to be shredded.

Her coarse description of ambrosia has shocked believers around the world and a number of groups are bringing a lawsuit under the UK blasphemy laws not used in this country since 1922 when John William Gott was foolish enough to compare the Colonel to a Clown.

There has been increasing Chickenisation of society since then and there have been calls for far harsher punishment this time around. Debate in the UK's national newspaper's has seriously asked if the death penalty should be brought back for such a heinous crime and there have been street riots around the world. It is understood that Miss Street Porter is on suicide watch and has shown some remorse. Angry crowds with placards greeted her at the Old Bailey and, unprecedentedly not one barrister would agree to represent her in court.

A figure from the legal profession and KFC scholar who asked not to be named said:
"We here on Earth cannot punish her as Harland will be able to in hell. People in medieval times believed in all sorts of horrific punishments, meted out to blasphemers in hell. They believed giant chickens would peck out your tongue so you could never speak, and your eyes so that you may never see the Colonel's benevolent face again. By far the worst was to be fed chicken made with only 10 secret herbs and spices, taking you so close but never letting you reach nirvana"

Meanwhile the furore continues and we shall update you when necessary.

1 comment:

ALbad said...

I've heard rumors she's gone on hunger strike inside. I can think of a very fitting cure for said strike that could be forced upon her...